Behold!

Well, well...finally the day has come. Lunch? Conversation? Hahahaha. Aww yea. People told us that they are going to drop the entire idea of internship in the ministry. Don't ask me whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. It's just a matter of interpretation (sounds familiar?). Actually to say that serving without a title really sounds good, i mean, REAL GOOD! Haha. Nothing need to be justified here. Don't really want to elaborate on that. I'll just proceed to what I am feeling at the moment. I know...I know I'm really good at pretending (Hehe....), but this is seriously a very bitter pill to swallow. No shoulders to cry on (arghh...why do I have to say this???!!!)...so I actually had a tearful time on my bed when I reach home...LOL. More than a year (izzit?) as an intern, and well I would say that I've done things to impress people a lot times (not the youth, but rather the rest of the leaders). A lot of sacrifices are made. Somehow I'm made to believe that certain things are not helping growth. I was sad thinking of how much things I've done, how much effort that I've put into this, and in the end, instead of receiving a kiss on the cheek, I ended up sitting down in this cosy (cold?) environment, trying to finish my lunch and later listened to man (men?) showing us appreciation...trying to explain things in nice ways. Probably as a "hard-to-work-with" person, I wouldn't buy into that stuff. Man, I got eyes to see, eyes to hear (nose to smell? This sounds like the LEO pledge). All the things that I've avoided because of the ministry doesn't seem to make any sense. I've tried hard to be "committed" and this is what I get. Whoohooo? There are many things that I've not experienced because of submission (now I must confess..haha..read the next line!). I didn't get to spend much of my weekends at home, eventhough I need a lot of rest because of my hectic schedule on weekdays. My parents have been nagging me, and I got to keep quiet about this, just because I want to make it for the people. I thought of leaving the ministry immediately after camp, but seriously reconsidered the decision and decided to stay on a bit longer. And this is the best part: I tried to look good in front of the people, so....I decided not to even have a crush, and I've failed badly, making myself look dumb (coz people laugh at me as I always talk about possibilities and stuff), and missed out on girls....*sobz*... ='( ...and people tell me, "Serve you right!". Anyway, that's only part of the reason I didn't get so involved in boy girl stuff. Another reason is that I chicken out in front of girls (haha), I mean I'm not courageous enough, that is. Ouch, that sucks. Terribly miserable. I know your laughing at me again, so stop it!!! Haha. Crap. Well, that's basically some of the things in my mind at the moment. Of course, not to forget, there are better things that happened. Got closer to you guys (you know who). Learned how to think and see things out of the box. Got to see the bigger picture of the things happening. Really, we all learned a lot. =P
*PS: If I'm not discouraged, why did I shed tears? Those couldn't be tears of joy, I assume?